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Feeling tired, broke and fat

It's two weeks to go till my OSCE, I feel very stressed, I am broke as hell and I just want to wake up on christmas day when it's all over and I can relax.
I'm trying to do relaxing things, i'm trying to do lots of things to take my mind elsewhere and be distracted. Yesterday I went to see a film (The Florida Project) with my friend Katie (non-medic). It was an awesome film, we had dinner out - and hence I consumed about 3000 calories more than I should have - and then she popped in for a brew. 
Yesterday morning I had a 'Breaking Bad News' practice and it went horrifically. "What went well?" the tutor asked and I just broke down, in tears, in front of my whole group. Nothing. This was an instinctively negative and immediate reaction I was having and I know it wasn't all bad but at that point, I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. I can't be fucking it up this badly with just two weeks to go. 
I don't want to do any revision any more.…

Reframing my negative thoughts

"I won't pass my OSCE in December"
Why do I think this?
"Because it's a tough examination under huge time pressure and I don't do well under 6 minute pressure"
Reframe the thought
"There is a possibility I won't pass my OSCE, but my current track record with any OSCE is 100%, formative or not. I have done lots of practice under time pressure. I have done lots of revision and I have dedicated more time and effort to this OSCE throughout this half of the year than I ever have,"
"The OSCE is not a true representation of anyone's clinical ability,"
Its a pressure cooker for 6 minutes, it's about as close a thing as we have to assessing someone's clinical skill.
"It recreates some of the pressure and anxiety we might feel as a practicing doctor in a busy a+e where we are short staffed and short of time. It would therefore be most important to be able to highlight and rule out red flags, so you don't kill someone&q…

All aboard my fucking speed train

I'm getting really really frustrated with myself. I feel like i'm either going at 300mph or i'm not going at all. For example today, even after having a lovely Friday wind down with friends, i've been eating shit, had a lie in, ate more shit and spent loads of money and ignored all the work I have to do. I know I have always struggled with getting the 'balance' and it takes me a long time to get it right during term time but it's doubly as hard during exam time.

I can't seem to maintain a sort of steady speed, i'm either giving everything my all, or i'm like fuck - no, good bye. It's so exhausting getting on and off this train, I just want to stay put. I probably keep jumping off because the 300mph is so unsustainable but gah, I have so much to be getting done and doing!!!!

This weekend, if nothing else - i'm going to be setting myself up for the week. I want meals prepped, clothes washed and ironed, I want it to be stress free in that  …

Geriatrics

So this next four weeks i'm on old age and complex health. I actually think i'm going to really enjoy this module, there's so many elements to it and I feel like Geriatricians have to juggle so many aspects of people care that I will learn a great deal.

It's mainly ward rounds and clinics for the 'elderly care' fortnight and my timetable is quite free-ing in order to really knuckle down for those all important OSCE's.

I'm getting lots of practice in at the moment which is good. I'm not quite at the stage where i'm running through everything every day which is concerning me, I want to be able to go through everything and if I think about all the elements to the OSCE I get stressed af. This week my priority is going to be to get histories down.

Also unbeknown to me, this is the first year that Opthomology and ENT will be assessed. I didn't know this before, so now i'm worried about all the new things they might try to assess which haven…

26 Days to go Till OSCE

Stress 6/10 Last nights sleep 3/10 Average step count: 13.5k

I'm back on a tight schedule this week. The closer it gets to crunch time, the more meticulous I feel I have to be with my time, scheduling and priorities. Last weekend, I boarded the emotional rollercoaster for 48 extremely hormonal hours. I cried when a supermarket assistant was slightly rude to me. I bought a lot of chocolate and ate it all. Fuck it, I'm going out out.

This week, I've been ready to reset, recharge and go again. Last weekend was perhaps exactly what I needed, the stress I felt was just getting worse and worse probably due to a combination of things. On the back of that, i'm trying to keep more of an eye on my mental health and the things that are integral to it. 
For me, it is absolutely inevitable that my mental health deteriorates when I don't exercise, stay active throughout the day, eat well and sleep well. That's my absolute bare minimum. I can't even think about getting i…

Panic! No don't panic. Panic! No, stay calm...

It's about a month to go till OSCE's, I've just finished my ENT week (as part of Neurology and Special Senses block) and I keep dipping in and out of pure panic and then calming down.

I don't know what i'm more stressed about: the examinations, the explanations the history taking. I used to feel so comfortable with the explanations and history taking but i've seen myself properly fuck that shit up. I'm still trying to get used to the idea that those latter two are far far more about communication and structure of your consultation more than anything else. I think I've been more preoccupied with getting a diagnosis and saying the right information before but that's not what bothers me now. I either will or won't nail the diagnosis but who cares as long as I have some suitable differentials and the worst case scenerio is I don't actually know anything about the thing i'm explaining - reassure the patient as best as you can, refer to senior…

OSCE practice

I've practiced OSCE's before in a range ways - and mainly examinations, I've always tended to have down.
I would rehearse them in my room every morning - every single examination, and then every evening, practice on my flat mate - spin the wheel, go.
This time, I've got a month to go - and i'm not sure what stage I was a month before my OSCE's last time, but all I know is, I don't have a revision period and I am very scared. 
I've had a good go at 90% of the examinations and I think the rest will just be practice, practice and more practice. 
Yesterday, I got a group of 6 of us together and ran a little min-real-osce with my tutor playing the official timed buzzer and everything. I bought snacks, I bought mark schemes and I bought feedback sheets. It was really nice and I think I forgot the value of practicing with a range of different people who will call you out on different things. I think me and my flat mate by the end, were so confident and happy w…